Playing games, Selling houses and growing tomorrow

Rebirth

2009-12-02T13:54:52Z

After the choking smoke and ash,
what's left is not what was,
in newness it shall bask,
what's left is not what was,
it's inner flesh removed,
what's left if not what was,
it's senses , once more, are tuned,
what's left is not what was,
it's old self gone,
what's left is not what was,
life sings a new song.

Burn

2009-11-10T14:13:59Z

My Love

2009-10-18T13:33:11Z

My dearest,

You have made my days hopeful. In that you have given me the greatest of gifts. You have made me believe that as long as you are with me, I can do anything I try. You have made me believe that my child can do great things. You have made me believe that I can be a good Daddy and Father. You give me courage to go back to college. You give me courage to change my own future, together with you. I thank you for all that you give and all that you will give. Happy birthday pookariah . You are my best friend and true confidante. ~Herb

cheerleader

2009-10-12T18:24:11Z

That's me.

Cruelest Master

2009-10-08T17:04:44Z

My master makes me wait,
It forces me to sit quietly,
unable to scream the anger from my chest.
It forces me to burn slowly,
as some great hog over a spit,
flesh ripping away to expose the gluttonous fat inside.
It makes my existence slow,
like drips of water to my forehead,
ever dropping, marching to a torturous beat,
like some soldier in an effigy to efficiency of form.
It eats my fingers and toes slowly,
so as to savor both the flesh and pain.
Time is my Destroyer.

waiting on a phone call

2009-10-08T11:56:58Z

I await the news like a man in front of the gallows,
each minute excrutiatingly painful and final,
like a scalpel, skillfully slicing away the flesh of my sanity,
one piece at a time,
each minute taking pieces,
with the soulless eyes of a shark.
They march on as an army unstoppable,
waiting to deliver the news I don't want to hear.
Please God, let it never happen.

Portals today

2009-10-02T14:16:17Z

Death is only the beginning.

Friends list and cuts

2009-09-15T13:43:23Z

I am deleting names from friends list. If you want back on pop me a message, no hurt feelings here, just need to cut back my reading some >8)

Herb

FOR THE HORDE!

2009-06-23T11:55:36Z

How to stop being a martyr!

2009-05-19T10:06:28Z

Ruthlessly stolen from Wikihow

Steps

1. Stop holding on to your suffering. In any given situation suffering may include some or all of the following: guilt, a feeling of unworthiness, fear of change, fear of conflict, inability to see options or alternatives, stubbornness, or a belief that life has to be difficult. These beliefs can then lead to resentment, anger or depression. Letting go of suffering is analogous to going to the bathroom. There are no feelings of guilt, unworthiness, fear of relief, and certainly there is no stubbornness about going to the bathroom. When you feel enough discomfort, you go to the bathroom. Look at holding on to your suffering the same way. Relief is possible, it's a good thing and you are worthy of it.

2. Identify the "payoff". Holding onto your suffering must make you feel you have gained something. Is it sympathy, which you rather enjoy? Is it the compassionate coaxing and pleading, which makes you feel important and special to them? Is it a feeling of "ruined nobility", i.e., a feeling that you are slightly superior to others despite your pain, simply because you have these burdens to bear? Somewhere, somehow, you got the idea that your pain buys you something. Try hard to be unsparingly objective, and analyze what you gain each time you act the martyr.

3. Stop expecting to be rewarded for your suffering. Do you feel you have to "earn" joy by struggling first? Some people believe that the larger the obstacle, the sweeter the reward. It's possible to get carried away and only allow yourself to enjoy life after you've suffered or struggled to some degree. If you find yourself stuck in this state of mind, think of times in your life (especially childhood) when you experienced joy without suffering.

4. Examine your beliefs. Martyrdom is closely associated with many of the world's religions in terms of people suffering and dying for their beliefs.[1] What are the beliefs that you're suffering for? Are you trying to live up to an impossible standard? Demanding perfection from yourself? Feeling guilty? Are you believing your "inner critic"? A good question to ask yourself throughout the day is "Am I enjoying what I'm doing right now? If not, why am I doing it?" Most of your answers will probably sound like "Because I want..." or "Because I believe I should..."

5. Stop blaming, justifying and complaining. Every time you blame other people or outside circumstances, you avoid taking responsibility to deal with things as they are. Every time you justify your position or make excuses, you are justifying staying stuck right where you are. Every time you complain about a situation, you are focusing on circumstances you can't change rather than the things you can change.

6. Take responsibility. Regardless of the reasons why you’re in the situation you’re in, take responsibility for dealing with it as it is now. Ask yourself "What do I do that contributes to the problem?" and "What can I do to make the situation better?" For example, if you feel that someone in the house does not do their share of the housework, you may have cleaned up after them because you couldn't bear to see the mess, and/or you may have expressed your dissatisfaction in subtle or passive-aggressive ways that are easily ignored. Both of these things have enabled the person to continue in their behavior. If their actions upset you, it's because you have allowed them to.

7. Don't be afraid to change your behavior. Ask yourself what step can you take right now to improve the situation. Even if it's a baby step, it's forward movement and putting small steps together makes progress and builds momentum for positive change. Fear of change is really the fear of the consequence of change. Personal growth only occurs through change. The consequence of change is rarely what we imagine it to be. You might be scared to "rock the boat" as many martyrs often bend over backwards to avoid inconveniencing others, and to avoid confrontation. Be willing to disappoint people. There's a song that goes, "You've got to learn how to let things go, start living without fear, be willing to fall down, there's so much love here..." It's good advice. You can't make everyone happy all the time. Don't try.

8. Raise your self esteem. According to self esteem expert Dr. Nathaniel Branden, "self esteem is our experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness." [2] Focus on the things you can do to improve the situation. When you focus on solutions, you tend to find solutions, then take action. When you take action the next step usually reveals itself. With repetition you build confidence in yourself and you begin to feel "competent to cope with the basic challenges of life."

9. Stop waiting for the mindreader. If other people were going to understand that you didn't want more to do, they would have understood by now. Wishful thinking never solves the problem. Good communication skills involve both speaking and listening. It's necessary to find out if the other person is aware how you feel, and what you want and expect. It's also necessary that they have a chance to express what it is that they want and expect. A simple conversation can clear up a big misunderstanding. It's also possible that the other person doesn't want the same thing you want, or worse (for you), doesn't care. It's important to know how things really are so you can deal with reality instead of some fantasized misunderstanding. You need to know where they stand and act accordingly. Even if the other person does not care about the issue as much as you do, you can probably negotiate a better situation than you currently have.

10. Learn to set effective boundaries. Every time you say yes when you mean no, you commit an act of self betrayal. You can learn to politely and respectfully decline to do what people ask you do. Before you agree to someone's request, ask yourself if you really want to do what they're asking, and consider how you will feel after you perform the request. What's in it for you? Will you feel good about your altruism and sacrifice, or will you feel bitter about being used yet again? Consider the consequences to yourself and others, then, act accordingly.

11. Permit yourself to have something better. Give yourself permission to practice some self-care. If you were driving across a desert and were low on gas, you would pull into a gas station, put gas in the car, stretch your legs, use the restroom, and maybe have a soda or a snack. In short, you would practice a little sensible self-care. It is doubtful, if you were low on gas, you would keep driving until you were out of gas, having to walk miles in the scorching sun, warding off scorpions and wild beasts to the nearest gas station - if you even knew where it was - and then lug a gas can back to your car. Give yourself permission to engage in a little self-care. Your car can't run on an empty tank, neither can you.

[edit] Tips

* If you can’t find it within yourself to give yourself permission, get a friend to help you through it. If you can’t do that, hire a coach who can work with you, guide you, and hold you accountable for taking responsibility.

* When you take action and face your challenges, you increase your self-esteem and grow in confidence that you can handle the consequences of change.

* Stop trying to be perfect. Rather, aspire to be better than you were yesterday. Nobody is perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. Correct the mistake and move on.

* Try to imagine a life without any suffering at all - do you instantly feel unworthy, as if you don't "deserve" such a life? At the core of this belief might be a strong emphasis on delayed gratification (make sacrifices now so you can enjoy more later). A good remedy for that is learning How to Live in the Moment.

* Take the first step. Realize that there are alternatives to living with that pain. Talk to a supportive friend you can trust. Get coaching. Get counseling. Consult a doctor. Consult a religious adviser.

1 week to Doom.

2009-05-01T22:36:18Z

That is all.

An artist's interpretation of our bad guys from Portals

2009-04-14T14:18:38Z

This is actually pretty close to what I would imagine them being like myself.

Maybe now I can sleep

2009-04-10T05:12:38Z

For my friends...

2009-04-07T16:13:04Z

http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Martyr-Syndrome

Portals Fight Practice in Chattanoga! February 21st 11AM

2009-02-20T20:55:04Z

If you have questions about Portals or the rules changes, want to eat some grilled stuff with friends or just want to beat on people with boffers, come on up.

Directions below:

To Harrison Bay State Park
From Knoxville:

From I-75, take Exit 25, Hwy. 60. Travel on Hyw. 60 approximatley nine miles to Hwy. 58. Turn South at Highway 58 and travel approximately 15 miles to Harrison Bay Road. Turn right onto Harrison Bay Road. The park entrance is approximately one mile on the left.

From Atlanta/West Tennessee.
Take Exit 4 off I-75 onto State Route 153. Travel North on Hwy. 153 and at the sixth exit , Hwy. 58, turn north. Travel approximately 12 miles to Harrison Bay Road on the left. Follow the signs to the park entrance. The park entrance is approximately one mile on the left.

Once inside the park we will be at Picnic Shelter #1. NOT #2 as previously stated. #1 has better snack & restroom access according the Rangers so that wins.

Directions to Picnic Shelter #1:

From the main road follow until the road forks at the Rangers Office. The Group Camp is to the Right. The Marina is to the left. Take the left fork.
Following this road there will be a turn off for the Marina on the left. Stay on the road, do not turn. Follow the road and it will curve off to the left. In the middle of the main park area will be several buildings. The Picnic Shelter is on the right. If you get to the Camp Store you have gone too far.

There is a LARGE charcoal Grill and a water spicket so if we can have some people bring charcoal and lighter fluid we can grill there or we can look at going to grab food somewhere afterwards.

It is going to be somewhat chilly, Highs in the mid 50's so dress warm!

I'll be showing up about 11 AM! See everyone there!

Stepping down as Director of Portals

2009-02-19T20:41:16Z

First, I have to laugh at some of the rumors I have heard.

Then I have to thank people who extended a concerned heart that something might be wrong.

Then I have to remind myself that people will always look for the worst possible outcome or reason for any situation someone else is a part of. That's where the "If it bleeds it leads," statement comes from in the reporting world.

Here's the facts:

1) Aldea is the new Plot Director of Portals Larp.
2) We all agreed she was the best choice given that I was stepping down.
3) I agreed to make the 2nd Story Arc of Portals such that my current plot staff could play it and still have mysteries to solve, etc.
4) I can't work on my screenplay, write a 2nd arc (flesh it out completely really), play D&D with my friends on Saturday, Play a LARP (more on this later), Act as Director of Portals AND stay married.

So, hope this makes people's (_!_) unpucker.

As an aside, if you heard a neat rumor about my stepping down I would love to hear it!

Herb

The great Purge of 09

2009-01-07T13:35:14Z

Guys and dolls,

If you want me to keep you on my LJ friends list, please inform me somehow in the next week. After that time, I will be purging my friends list of anyone I haven't heard from. If you get purged let me know you want back in.

Herb

Happy birthday!

2008-12-25T07:06:09Z

Happy birthday rltrlarper !

~Herb

Spam

2008-12-16T14:14:58Z

Saw this one and thought I might give it another run

2008-12-11T11:59:29Z

Click it please!

Thanks,
Herb

Happy birthday Pookariah

2008-10-18T03:07:18Z

I wanted to take a few minutes to say some nice things about my beloved wife. She has been the one thing that keeps me going no matter how tough things are or how messed up I think I am. Together I feel like we truly can overcome nearly anything. In the 18 years I've known you (over half my life nearly) I have never been happier than when we accomplish something together.

Happy birthday and I love you.

~H

Celine's Eve

2008-09-02T15:53:54Z

The people of Finnmire are a suspicious lot.

They find portents in nearly everything.
Each owl call is a sign of impending doom.
Each sighting of a crow a symbol of urgent death of family.

Celine's Eve is no exception.

There are a million and one superstitions of Her supposed Birthday.

The people of the Fenns claim that she walks as the dead and takes booty from those she passes: candy, silverware, heirlooms, money and even sometimes children.

The truth could be as simple as crooks and criminals sieze the opportunity presented by people's superstitions to do their craft unimpeded or as sinister as Celine the Black walking Nearatha and taking what she wants.

Never-the-less, this year, Her Eve is of extreme portent.

Some say that the dead shall walk with her.

Others say that the dead from the Endless Darkness have empowered her, but all of Finnmire blood can feel something tingling.

Something stirring in their blood, sinews and even core.

As Her birthday approaches, they feel a sense of Dread coming with it.

Is she coming to take her booty in neara...or blood?

Many a wise person tells of ways to ward her off on her ill fated birthday celebration.

Some say leave a candle in your window as a lighthouse to show her away from the rocks.

Others say leave her a neara outside your door as her share of your treasure.

Still others say turn off all light nearby lest you attract her gaze.

Food, wine, water, livestock, money, jewelry, salt, gems, iron...what will keep her away?

Or can anything keep her gone.

The above post is inspired by a game I do plot on, Portals. Celine's Eve is a holiday in the game. Come check us out at http://www.portalslarp.com .

Of course, Portals isn't a happy game, so don't expect butterflies and sunshine. The weak of heart need not apply.

Performed by the Citizens of Halloween

SHADOW
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?

SIAMESE SHADOW
Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween

PUMPKIN PATCH CHORUS
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night

GHOSTS
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween

CREATURE UNDER BED
I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red

MAN UNDER THE STAIRS
I am the one hiding under your stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

CORPSE CHORUS
This is Halloween, this is Halloween

VAMPIRES
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

MAYOR
In this town, don't we love it now?
Everybody's waiting for the next surprise

CORPSE CHORUS
Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can
Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll scream

HARLEQUIN DEMON, WEREWOLF, AND MELTING MAN
Scream! This is Halloween
Red 'n' black, slimy green

WEREWOLF
Aren't you scared?

WITCHES
Well, that's just fine
Say it once, say it twice
Take the chance and roll the dice
Ride with the moon in the dead of night

HANGING TREE
Everybody scream, everybody scream

HANGED MEN
In our town of Halloween

CLOWN
I am the clown with the tear-away face
Here in a flash and gone without a trace

SECOND GHOUL
I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?"
I am the wind blowing through your hair

OOGIE BOOGIE SHADOW
I am the shadow on the moon at night
Filling your dreams to the brim with fright

CORPSE CHORUS
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
Halloween! Halloween!

CHILD CORPSE TRIO
Tender lumplings everywhere
Life's no fun without a good scare

PARENT CORPSES
That's our job, but we're not mean
In our town of Halloween

CORPSE CHORUS
In this town

MAYOR
Don't we love it now?

MAYOR WITH CORPSE CHORUS
Everyone's waiting for the next surprise

CORPSE CHORUS
Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back
And scream like a banshee
Make you jump out of your skin
This is Halloween, everyone scream
Won't ya please make way for a very special guy

Our man Jack is king of the pumpkin patch
Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King now

EVERYONE
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

CORPSE CHILD TRIO
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

EVERYONE
La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! (etc.)